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    A drunk staggers out of a bar

    A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests.  He goes over to the first priest and says, “Dude, I’m Jesus Christ!”  And the priest says, “No son, you’re not.”  So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!”  Then the priest says, “No son, you’re not.”  Finally, the drunk had enough and said, “Here, I’ll prove it.”  He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re back AGAIN?” More

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    When a child asks a question?

    A child went to visit his 90 year old grandfather. While eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he notices his plate isn’t clean. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.” That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, […] More

  • A Man giving Anniversary Speech

    On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it. Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”  Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all.It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.” More

  • When College boy delivers a pizza

    After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud’s trailer house, Bud asked, “What is the usual tip?” “Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.” “Is that so?” snorted Bud. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.” “Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.” “What are you studying?” asked Bud. The lad smiled and said, “Applied psychology.” More

  • When you write a note….

    After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn’t want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, “The world’s strongest weight lifter,” and left it under his glass. When he returned from the rest room, the glass was empty.  Under it was a new napkin with a note that said “Thanks for the treat!” It was signed, “The world’s fastest runner.” More

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    Mom tricks when child doesn’t open his book….

    A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, “Sure, sweetie. I’ll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, oh yeah, okay,” responded the kid. So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, her husband asked, “Well how much did you […] More